So I figure the new look deems a post. It's been up awhile with no mention. I really had a difficult time even changing it but with the expiration of the design template it was looking a bit unkempt. For some reason changing the look was like closing a chapter of my life. It sunk deep for the first time that now is a new chapter...title of this one, hmm. I don't know. Maybe it can be happily ever after or something, jk.

I have never been someone who can't clean house, usually I am at the salvation army twice, three times a year. But man when you lose someone you want to hold on to everything that has any significance to the memory of that loved one. I finally about a month ago went through Max's tubs and narrowed it down to one tub. Finally I was able to throw boxes that gifts for Max came in and I donated the clothes I had purchased for him.

Then the blog. I wanted to keep the title because now with Eli in my life I see even more the "miracle of max" it's just as the tag line says, presently my miracle of Max is in Heaven and Eli is our miracle here.

The day Eli was born my eyes were opened to how amazingly merciful God is/was. Both Max and Eli were c-section babes, what I didn't know when I had Max was how long the whole c-section really is. From the moment they took Max out of me until the moment he was in my arms and we were leaving the room seemed like minutes when in reality it was much, much longer. Watching the video last year on Max's 1st birthday I realized the time between getting him to breathe was so long that I can't believe I didn't doubt that Max would breath. Anyway, what I am saying is God's grace was with me. He allowed time to bend when and where it should the day Max was born. Another great gift was Max's eyes, they were wide open right away and they stayed fairly open up until his last breath. I never saw Eli's eyes the first day, I barely saw them the second day. I contribute this fact fully to God's grace. The day Max was born I was up the entire day with the energy to do so. I was able to truly treasure my time with him he spirit left me only hours after his birth but I kept his physical body with me until the evening to just try to take in and treasure. The day Eli was born I couldn't keep my eyes open at some point after his birth I fell asleep. Just another way prayers were answered.

So the miracle there is a beautiful, fully healed baby boy, Maxson who I trust will have open arms for his mommy some day. And the miracle here is this beautiful gift that I have the perpetual blessing to watch grow. I will be able to share all the love I have with Eli for his brother Max. I will be able to have my family restored someday! I will be able kiss Max's cheeks all the time, just like I kiss his brothers. That was my inspiration to this simple design.

To wrap this up now. First, this makes 2 posts in one month not bad. Two, guess who is four months and just a great storyteller. Giggles, sits, and who I believe will never have an interest in rolling. He just wants to crawl.



Well ready or not a new year begins! We spent the new year finishing up Christmases, anymore it seems everyone has a few Christmas celebrations. In my heart though I was focusing on all the new things and 'resolutions' I wanted to implement into my life including writing more! At least once a week, if not even more, I think of something I want to write about, whether or not it's interesting enough to read about I don't know. But if I put something on myself like I have to write once a week or something I know I will fail miserably so I will just say this: I will write more! That's it -MORE.

Rewind, because it has been awhile and I have a sleeping baby right now:)

Eli~ he has been such a blessing to us, one that I am daily thanking God for. While I believe I had that baby in the 20% category for colic, he matched all of the criteria, crying for 3 or more hrs 5 days a wk or more -check. He is on the up swing though
-I can only pray:) Given that, Eli still is mighty generous with his smiles, and I can see a sweet lil boy over that temper of his.

We started off Eli's days here with us with a lil scare, his dr. diagnosed him with a dual ear infection and warned us to the extreme, which left me leaving the docs office in tears. She said to watch him closely and if he wasn't acting himself to bring him to the ER just in case the infection went to his blood or his brain...yeah, not cool. Not acting himself, he was but 2 wks old we didn't know who the normal Eli was, we were freaked out and of course we know that dr. warnings come true...it felt just like leaving doctor T's office after her telling me my ultra sound wasn't normal and going through the list of what it could be...and sending me out the door with no official answers. Anyway we made it through that time, and we did have a little happier baby, we still had a baby that would let us hear how healthy his lungs were 3 or more hours a day. Usually he cried (cries) in the evening and usually with bouts of blood curdling screams... ahhh, now those nights are few, still happen but few -thank you Jesus! Many nights I spent telling God how grateful I was in the midst of taking my 15 minute turn attempting to soothe lil man.

Eli is now 3 months and counting and he is always amazing me that he is ours and he is growing at lightening speed. I have always been on the smaller side, so given that I figured I would have a smaller baby, but Eli entered this world surprising everyone in my family at 8lbs 4oz and continues to grow off the charts!! Newborn clothes only the fist week, 0-3 month clothes only the first month, and now he comfortably wears 6 month clothes. I am a little sad about this. He needs to slow down. For the sake of my back and bouncing him, he needs to slow down.

He loves his baths, he loves bouncing and he loves to hold his hands in a prayer like manner. He is still breast feeding even though he has a mom who is so back forth with loving and hating it she seems a crazy!! To soothe Eli he requires a blanket touching his face and his body pressed flat against mine. He likes to hear his dad hum and I like to think he likes to watch me dance:) He has chubby cheeks that feel so good on the lips and little baby fat rolls like a 6 month old. He is most happy in someone's arms and takes a lot of time to take in his surroundings. He is not a fan of the car seat, but a lover of the car in motion. Before he cries he usually gives us a warning, sticking out his bottom lip and keeping it there for a few seconds, this face melts my heart and believe I may cave into his wants for the rest of his life if he keeps that face. He is starting to notice new faces, being that new. He is also starting to want to roll, just no coordination to do so. He sits, smiles, stands with help, and laughs I mean attempts to laugh. Elijah just steals our heart daily and it hits home on a daily basis what we are missing out on with Maxson, that hurts. Christmas a new year, all of these firsts for Eli make the place in my heart for Max just ache for him. Sure there is joy... but it's just there, that part of my heart.

Did I mention I have a thumb sucker. I walked away just a moment ago to soothe Eli and he didn't want the nuk he wanted his thumb. Harder to break but at least I can stop the search for the mysterious disappearing nuk. I will leave you evidence of all that I explained. And like I said I will write more!

Thumb Sucker!!

Praying Hands!


The Big Lip!