I can not believe it has been six years ago that I kissed goodbye this side of eternity to my sweet baby boy! Time has been filled with so much but the smells, memories, and feelings linger as if it were just a short time ago.
Last year on Maxson's golden 5th birthday I celebrated with an extra heavy heart as we learned just months earlier that we wouldn't be bringing our daughter home any time soon. Little did I see coming the gracious gift our Lord knew we so desperately needed. Finding out we were expecting was exciting and nerve racking I took comfort in finding out that our medical first day of pregnancy was December 5th!
Flash forward 10 months later and we welcomed our beautiful little boy Will Leonard Hagen to our family. All along my c-section was scheduled for the 4th but shortly before his due date the doctor changed it to the 5th. September 5th, 2014 the 5th year of Maxson's passing, God redeemed the 5th for me.
You can say ah no biggie, sure its not to anyone else. But to me it is! See, we said goodbye to Max on the 5th. I had a miscarriage on the 5th. The entire first year after Maxson's passing I had 12, 5th's of the month to grieve. The 5th has always had a heavy feeling for me after losing Max. God knows my heart the good the bad the ugly, and He knew exactly how to speak to me.
We pray and hope Sarah comes home this next year. I truly believe she is ours and will be a part of our family very soon. Last year I stood on the verse Hebrews 11:6; without faith it is impossible to please God. I could not even count how many times He has used that verse to show and teach me this last year. I have heard more sermons referencing this verse this past year, and I just know He is weaving something beautiful out of our failures, tears, and ashes.
Last year I focused on what Maxson's life has done for us. This year I want to focus on all that God has already done for us. We feel so grateful to be able to have a baby in the house again. Granted I sold everything baby to help get Sarah home, God knows! We feel blessed to be on this adoption journey as ugly and painful as it has been. We are amazed how Elijah is growing up to be so kind, and smart and a wonderful big brother I might add. I am beyond grateful to see our marriage truly grow sweeter and stronger with each passing year. He has brought wonderful knew friends into our life and continued to grow old friendships. He has given us so many sweet memories with family. Our little church we call home has challenged us to learn and grow in His word and the fruit from that can not be measured. Our health although dealing with the current cold and flu season has been a challenge. I could go on and on but today I am most thankful for a tiny little baby that only was able to cry once, be kissed briefly, and see shortly his family that loves him so!!! The gift of his life set our lives on a very different path I wouldn't trade for anything.
A friend recently reminded me how sweet life is when we truly turn it over to God's plan with no expectations of our own agendas...she is right, I could not possibly have weaved a more beautiful path myself. So as there are tears there is much joy, and as there are trials there is sweet growth.
So sweet baby boy Maxson as you spend another heavenly birthday in His glorious presence please know I keep a corner of my heart for you, to one day return it with a giant kiss. Your brother Eli so dearly loves you and speaks of you often. Now we have Will to tell of your perfect and brief time with us and as we did with Eli. We love you now and for always, your mama!