It's a funny thing, when I was pregnant with Maxson around this time I was content. I don't remember getting to the end of the day and wanting the day of his birth to come. I truly lived in the moment and cherished it. I wish that would have been a forever implanted skill/lesson. But no. I dream of the day of Eli's birth and all the moments to come, and at certain small moments, when he is kicking just so I live in the now, ever so content just not ever so often.
The whole idea of leaving the hospital with a baby has through out this pregnancy seemed surreal. This weekend we finished Eli's baby's room, well almost. And honestly I can say that the thought of him sleeping in this nursery is surreal. All of these unbelievable experiences to come, God willing, seem so far fetched to me, not that I am fearful, I am just so in awe of what a blessing it will be. Truly Max was such an amazing blessing but on that road was so much pain and the planning wasn't for a baby's room it was for a funeral and the possible use of hospice. This is just so different and I think because Max was the first born and that's the only way we've done it... ahh I am getting lost here for words, I just pinch myself... a lot.
With the clock ticking down now...oh so slowly (remember I am not doing a great job of living in the moment) the dday for Eli is October 4th by c-section, unless he decides to come early then I will try a vbac. So seven weeks to go, in just one of the hottest summers ever! But hey, physically I can't complain, I have the heartburn under control and I still don't have cankles (spelling?) anyway, overall we are doing great. No I up that, we are doing wonderful, Dustin and I can't wait for the summer to go and to be holding Eli. I really think the title to this post maybe should wait till 3 weeks out. That sounds like a better number to start counting down from than 7 weeks out. Well whatever, 7 weeks and counting. I will have to share some baby room pics later it is way past my bedtime.
with love,
Trish
