One layer that this grief has brought out is my longing for Heaven, also the sadness that right now I don't know what Heaven is like. I don't know what Max is seeing, doing, and who is watching him. Dust finds a solid comfort in the idea his Mom may be taking care of and holding our son, which fits his mom, who was one of those beyond wonderful Grandmas. This at times has given me comfort but there are moments when I yearn to see and know for sure who is watching Max.
To bring this full circle now, the song today gave me full comfort in my Son's place. I felt victorious that Jesus conquered the grave, and that Maxson is in a place more beautiful than my understanding can stretch. Today, the worries of who was watching over Maxson didn't bother me at all, today, I am fully appreciating that my God is mighty to save and because of this my son is reaping the benefits (for lack of better words).
I added the song to my Playlist. The whole song has such powerful words. I also am leaving you with a picture of Max. One of our pictures that I don't think has been shared yet. I think Maxson looks like he was well on his way to being an angel in this pic. The light has a bit more meaning to me as in this pic, Max's gaze was stuck on the light.
13 comments:
powerful...
hi trish- i found you while i was blog-hopping. i just want to say that i'm amazed at your courage, and that your little max is SO beautiful! glad you had time with him... my heart goes out to you because while my experience isn't like yours, i do know what it's like to lose a child. we lost two babies due to early miscarriage, and so i can understand a little of what you are going through. your blog is a wonderful tribute to max!
Precious picture...we should all keep our eyes focused on things above. It will be so wonderful when we get there.
With my prayers,
Susie
Thank God for that reassuring comfort just when we need it. Knowing that my Levi is in Heaven being taken care of by Jesus brings me great comfort. I still long for the day that I am able to do it myself....but Wow....to be taken care of by the King of Kings!
I love the song "Mighty to Save" and also have it on my playlist. I hadn't checked in on you for awhile, so thought I'd stop by tonight. This was a beautiful post today. I love this picture of your angel, he is so absolutely beautiful.
Trishy,I finally got on here after a long time and caught up on your blogs. It was just to hard to read for awhile (sorry). My heart just breaks to read your pain. It is sometimes just easier to feel like its all gone for you. (I hope you know what I mean). I love you so much and I am just weeping again as I read your heart laid out on the page. Please know that I think of Maxson daily even though we don't always talk about him. Every month that goes by I rejoice that we met him and feel so sad he is not here. I am so proud of you and Dustin and always will be. I can empathize with you (I feel) in a very close way and I know that as each month goes by you will grow stronger.
You are forever now a mom! Just your tribute proves it. Love you and can't wait to see you this weekend. Your (oldest sis).
He is such a little cutie!
We sing Might to Save at church a lot too. After Isaac was born, I had trouble singing it for a while, because I kept wanting to scream "But you DIDN'T! You DIDN'T save my son, and you COULD HAVE." But God, in his graciousness, reminded me that although in our definition Isaac wasn't saved, ultimately he was. Like you shared, the grave isn't the end... Isaac is in heaven with our Savior (and your sweet Max!). Eternally, he has been saved, and he is SAFE where he is... in the presence of God.
That is a source of great comfort :) So glad you were blessed by those words.
Thank you for that post, Trish. I know what you mean about sometimes yearning to just know what it's like for him, though...what I wouldn't give for even just a little peek at my boy! We just have to find comfort in knowing that it more wonderful than we can comprehend and that we will be there with them one day.
Jessica
I am so proud of you. And I am so amazed at the connection we have through Christ.
Max is so so so cute! I will never have enough of seeing his pictures! :) Walking right along side you, in this thing called "grief". Have a peaceful week!
Incredible words....
That picture is so true - that he is focusing on the light... & now, how he is living in the light... know that Heavenly Hosts are surrounding your Max taking care of him until you are reunited!
Such a powerful post!
Beautiful heartfelt post and photo. Such a good reminder of what we need to do, especially when we are surrounded by pain, chaos or just everday distractions...keep our gaze fixed on the light. Someday we too will be living with the Light and will be reunited with our boys. Until then I hope that you can find peace in knowing that he is being taken care of better than we can imagine. ITs a tough one though. Its such an unnatural feeling to be separated from a child. Hang in there and keep your gaze fixed on the light :)
He IS mighty to save...I love the pictures of Max. I cannot wait to get to heaven...it will be in just a moment.
Think of you often,
Laura
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