I remember all to well back after we lost Max how much each milestone month hurt...it was just an extra day to make me realize even more what we were missing. Well now there is much joy in milestone months, Mr. Eli is in his fifth month of life and growing leaps and bounds.
I was a little concerned he would never care to move but that is all forgotten as of Valentines Day he rolled over, since then the child is on the move. He rolls from one area of the room to another. Eli is trying desperately to crawl with no avail, but now after seeing how it just takes one day and boom their moving I just know he will conquer crawling as well. In other Eli news he has a new soothing technique in which he sings himself to sleep. It's just a ahhh ahhh ahhh...real soft and pretty, and much better than crying. He is so much more content than even a month ago and everyday he is content longer. He is beginning to eat and I think he really likes peas, at least much more than rice cereal. We are enjoying every minute and I wish it would slow down, all these stages are going by way too fast. I already want that newborn stage back.
As far as Dust and I, life is moving this old house is shaping up, we have a desire to adopt still, and a desire to maybe have one more with fertility treatments. We are trying to put our financial house in order so that when the time comes we have the means to adopt from Haiti. We also are feeling hard pressed to grow in our relationship with the Lord, which is something we have to continually seek as we both find busyness is the biggest wedge in that.
I am still working at the church and hoping to keep that job forever I really love it, I just have to get through the difficult years of balancing work and babies. Sometimes I wish I could pause the job and come back to it after the baby years, but I am not willing to let it go so I will just do a balancing act. I think once we do daycare it will become much easier. Okay, sorry about the babbling.
On a whole different note I was talking to my sister this week who is in a Beth Moore study and through this study she feels that back when we went through the time of Maxson here, she didn't pray enough for God to reveal his purpose or for me to rise up and see the purpose. She said now she sees that we as a family should of spent more time covering the whole situation in prayer and prayer not for just healing or time or peace, but prayer for our eyes to be opened to God's purpose through Max. She also shared she hopes that I keep my heart open that God's plan with that in my life may not be completed, that she hopes I continually pray and seek God's purpose of Max's life. With all that said, I really have it on my heart to adopt from Haiti, I believe whole heatedly that I would not have a desire to adopt without Max. Do I think that's God's purpose in Max's life? No, at least not entirely. It may be part of a work done in me through going through that with Max though. We lost Max and there was/is many reasons I will never know for that, but I know I will seek God's purpose in my life because of it. Alright that doesn't make sense when I read it back or it doesn't convey what I am trying to say. Hmmm...let me try again. God has wonderful things planned for my family but some of those wonderful things are a direct result of losing Maxson. I would not be the person I am today and because of that my journey in this life is altered, I believe it has God's provision written all over it, as long as I seek Him. Amen!! I hope that makes some sense, it's some deep stuff to explain and I don't even know if I did, well that's all for now.