Yes, today is Maxson's 3 month birthday in heaven. Yes meaning, it seems like a lifetime ago, and yes meaning, that it feels in no way it could be three months already. Thank you so much for the sweet emails today, it means a lot. And thank you to some wonderful friends that remembered us today too, just you guys thinking of my sweet boy still means a great deal! So grateful for all of you who have shared in this journey with us. Well I would have loved for the story to be a more happy one, I think each one of you have lifted us up when I can't really imagine life without this story, now.
Today, I worked, cleaned, cleaned, laundry, and cleaned. But while I cleaned I played Max's music (blog list) and went through every emotion possible. Good Grief, literally... I obviously cried, joyful tears, sad tears, angry tears, just plain longing for him tears, fearful tears, hopeful tears, and loving tears. All with the bits of amazing feelings Maxson has brought me, I did the up and down of it today.
Of course I also had the ups and downs of thoughts...I should be's, he would haves. The sounds would be different my plans would be different, it can all be just overwhelming. I also thought the ups...thank you God, thank you Father, what a gift you have given me. What a complete blessing Maxson's life was. Complete meaning, by bringing me some of the most real most cherished memories and feelings I may ever experience again. Also, I thought about Max and my reunion. Someday I will hold and kiss and get to know my son. Really its pretty amazing to be able to look forward to it. All because our God was willing to let his son die. I can tell you I would NEVER be WILLING to lose another child. Who would? Can you tell grief is a roller coaster?
So thank you for all your prayers and please continue to pray that God will reveal himself to us during this season of grief and that Maxson's life will continue to Glorify our Father!! Plus, for my aching arms and soul. And all the other moms aching arms and souls too. We are hooking up our scanner this week and I have some new pics to share, plus I am planning on editing a new video honoring Max sometime in the next week or so. I guess tonight I have no pictures to share, soon!!