Usually I start with a topic, a subject of importance to share or a thought I need to search on, tonight I have scattered happenings and thoughts I feel to share. So needless to say no title.
First, a little personal happenings...
Today at work I had the trial of serving a baby shower at the restrauant I work at. The people I work with don't know about my journey with Max, well they do if they have asked if I have children. But they don't. They don't know the amazing, joyful, sorrow-filled, loving part. Of course then, they asked me to take the banquet, the baby shower. To say this was an easy job would be a HUGE understatement. Baby gifts, a new born, another pregnant attendee, and a room full of mom's celebrating the happy joy of a new mom was enough to put me at a place where... I fought tears, I fought angry bitter thoughts, I fought screaming do you know what I am going through right now to every mom there, including my co-workers. I held it together at least enough for show. I teared up many times and sucked it back to the best of my ability. Serving these ladies and listening to all the happy stories of a newborn and all the sharing of the joy, it was hard. But I made it. Right now I still feel the break down at the back of my throat.
Second, I haven't previously shared about much personal stuff other than Maxson and my journey through grief of course. But I want to share that Dust and I bought a home in foreclosure some time ago. It is a very old home and we have been spending much of any free time renovating this home. Tearing out walls, re-doing hardwoods, tearing wallpaper, painting, and tonight painting trim and repainting a wall color I detested.
We were not even looking for a home, my parents were actually. But we stumbled across this home and wanted to take a peek at it. It was love at first sight, the work pit that it is, had us at first visit. We put in a bid lower than we thought would be expected, and BAM we got it. I guess we were the only crazy ones to put in the work it needs. We prayed about the home and I really felt it was a God send. The home has released so much feelings, every little scrap of wall paper I tore off let out some built up emotion. Plus, it has kept us extremely busy. We have had family stay and to have our own home again to share is pretty cool, we did live with my parents for Max's whole time in my tummy and some after he left this world. God knew we needed this.
Lastly, one of my dear blog mom friends Kristy, mom of Isaac and Asher, has been given wonderful news that the baby girl she carries now is healthy, after a scare that there may be something wrong. I feel so much joy tonight knowing she can rest easy and truly enjoy the remainder of her pregnancy. On the flip side to this please continue to pray for Stellan's mom and baby Stellan as his heart fights to find the norm. He has one strong momma fighting for him, right now though she needs prayer as she is growing weary.
Now you can figure why there is no subject to tie these scattered words. I thank you for your great prayers, I know they have helped us SO much. Right now I am eternally thankful to a God who has given me a wonderful husband, a great family, a good list of real friends, a home, a job, and a baby boy that I can't go too many moments without loving on his memory.
Just one more tidbit on the job thing, I have an interview to do some freelance work with a production company please pray that it works out. I don't know if I have shared previously but I did pay some heavy dough for a degree in Digital video production. My goal is to edit for this company but I am willing to shoot or help in any way. Serving brings in some nice cash but my desire is to edit video. Please pray. If I do get the work I still plan to serve but I really want some work that I truly enjoy.
Thank you and I send my love to you all.