Today has been hard. Hard in that I can't quite think on Max too long without feeling that I am going to break down and I just don't want to. I have cried more in the last 8 months than I have in my entire life. I'm not a girl who cries pretty. My face turns red, my eyes swell, heck my whole my face swells. I can let a few tears escape but if I give in to the cry I will then deal with aftermath. I'm tired of dealing with aftermath. In all sorts. So, yes today many tears have escaped but I'm keeping the cry in today.
I have searched a bit deeper today about my love for Maxson. And this is where my thoughts led me: Here out I have this love. No one can take it away or steal it. Well, it can't be seen or noticed by others it is here forever. It physically holds me and it will always be one of my most valuable possessions. Even though love is not tangible I feel like I can embrace it, hold it, that is how powerful the love I feel for Max is.
So, I don't have my son here to hold, to raise, to nurture, to kiss, to see grow, to laugh with, and this list could go on and on. But now I have the love, the love remains.
What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love becomes a part of us.
Happy four months in Heaven Maxson.