Today has been hard. Hard in that I can't quite think on Max too long without feeling that I am going to break down and I just don't want to. I have cried more in the last 8 months than I have in my entire life. I'm not a girl who cries pretty. My face turns red, my eyes swell, heck my whole my face swells. I can let a few tears escape but if I give in to the cry I will then deal with aftermath. I'm tired of dealing with aftermath. In all sorts. So, yes today many tears have escaped but I'm keeping the cry in today.
I have searched a bit deeper today about my love for Maxson. And this is where my thoughts led me: Here out I have this love. No one can take it away or steal it. Well, it can't be seen or noticed by others it is here forever. It physically holds me and it will always be one of my most valuable possessions. Even though love is not tangible I feel like I can embrace it, hold it, that is how powerful the love I feel for Max is.
So, I don't have my son here to hold, to raise, to nurture, to kiss, to see grow, to laugh with, and this list could go on and on. But now I have the love, the love remains.
What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love becomes a part of us.
Helen Keller
Happy four months in Heaven Maxson.
10 comments:
Trish,
Thinking of you and praying for you. The Helen Keller quote was so beautiful, as are the pictures of Maxson.
~ Stacy
Thinking and praying for you!
You are so right.... God is love - God is eternal... so you are so right - the love you have for Max will be with you FOREVER!!!!
That last show of you & your husband grasping hands is so touching... I see strength in that picture!!!
"...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." ~ from I Cor.13
People often use this scripture for weddings, and it is true & fitting; but it is about much more than that, too.
You are right that your love for Maxson will remain and that is good.
Praying for you & your husband.
Beautifully written Trish, and so true. Love is not something we tangibly hold on to, but your love of Maxson rests gently and freely in your heart for all time. It is real and you do feel it in your spirit and heart. This is the place no one can rob or take away from us. It is where Jesus lives in you. I pray for you often and will continue to for a long time. Praying for your aching arms and tender heart.
Love and Hugs, Laurie
i feel the same way about my father's death. that love will never be taken from me. no one could ever understand just how much you love and always will love that special boy, maxson. i know that he is being raised by God in heaven and will be waiting for you to get there! isn't that a blessing? that our dearest Lord gets to be with Maxson. :) i hope the thought of him in the arms of Jesus can make your day a little brighter.
Much Love in MS,
Kacy
I hurt and rejoice with you. HOnored to know you and wish it were different reasons for knowing you. Changed by your hurt, your faith and the love you shared with us by sharing Max.
Not in vain, I am changed.
Never forgotten.
Praying for you and Dustin- we miss you guys and tell all of our friends and family back home about your last year, and they pray for you as well. Dont hold back your tears- I think you are crazy- considering you are pretty all the time..besides, someday they will be tears of Joy.
It will be six months for us this week. I haven't gooten too focused on the dates/anniversary thus far, but this month I am finding it difficult not to think about it what could of been...how I almost had a six month old in my arms today.
Thank you for sharing the Helen Keller quote. I hadn't heard it before and it is so relevant to our lives...and very true. We may not hold our boys in our arms, but we are still moms and we love our babies as much as any mother could. Nobody can ever take that away.
A mama's love is a powerful thing, even without someone tangible to love on. Holding in that ugly cry sounds like a full time job for you right now, eventually that ache in the back of your throat will ease up and the tears won't be quite so close to the surface. The love will always be there though, you are right about that. My heart still aches for you Trish. I'll be praying for you.
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