Layers of Life

Thank you all so much for praying for us and for not giving me a mouth full for my negative outlook. I have a much more settled spirit this week and my faith is there.

Now, I am really trying to get to the place where I can be of help to my little sister who found out she was three months pregnant a week before we miscarried. Right now I am trying to get past all of the negative emotions it stirs up inside of me. She will be a single mom and needs the help and support of family but putting aside my own hurt over the deal is something I can not do on my own. I was game to be there when I thought we would be there together but now to put on a face of support when it all seems so not right...is just plain difficult to do. She is a 21 year old girl who is just trying to learn to take care of herself and now she is on a road she didn't want or plan for and then here we are spending 4 years, countless tears, prayers, money, and heartache with still no joy in near sight. It just doesn't fit...I knew "such is life" before but it is so different actually living out "such is life". The layer of this part of my life has been an unexpected journey that I find to be at times down right dark to walk through. So once again I ask for your prayers in this area. I love my sister and don't want her to feel any of the pain it causes inside of me also I want to be able to enjoy this new life without the sting...please pray.

On some brighter note, I am trying to advance my job skills by adding photography to the mix. I will hopefully be making an actual income in the next six months or so. I have put together a cheesy blog to share my photography work , feel free to check it out. We also our still trying to put this ancient house together, which shows its age everywhere. We did finish the bathroom which looks pretty amazing. It is a very good thing to have a handy husband!


Tammy On the Go said...

great to hear from you always.

Jennjilla said...

you have a great eye, I can't wait to see more shoots from you!

I'll be praying for you guys and now your sister - she will need you now more than ever! I'm sorry she's walking this path alone as a single mother, but the love her family can give her will see her through! I think it's ok to feel the way you do. It's totally natural after all you guys have been through! Keep your chin up and stay strong! When I get sad, I grab my camera and start shooting...it's very therapeutic!

melissa said...

I'm sorry for your pain. It just doesn't seem fair. I will be praying that God will help you deal with this.

Radar's Mom said...

Hi Trish,

I loved your photos... I hope something good comes from this new career because getting paid to do something you love is something too many of us don't get.

I think it's impossible not to struggle with your younger sister being pregnant because it's like running in a lopsided race. It's like someone with only one leg running beside a young athlete at the prime of her physical condition. You're limping and struggling to reach the finish line and you will - and when you do, you'll be able to look at all of the struggles along the way and understand them better... accept them better. But while you're on the track and that younger sprinter zooms past you without even seeming to try, it is so hard not to let that distract you and to not feel cheated.

Sorry - that was a horrible analogy! I should be fined or arrested for using it! But you are good Trish and the love in your heart will let you come to terms with your sister. Even if it isn't perfect or if you can't be quite as "there" as you might be under different circumstances, you will find a way. Of all my cousins and siblings, I am one of the oldest and my son is the youngest. I am the 41 year old mom to an 11 month old. But who doesn't want to be younger? So when your new miracle finally does happen, he or she will have the advantage of youth over her dear cousin!

Still thinking of you often and sending warm hugs from the Bahamas,