I want to start by thanking everyone for all your prayers, emails, and support it has been so comforting!
When we first heard the grim news about Max I was devasted I felt pure despair as there is nothing I could do to change the circumstances. I felt anger and the greatest saddness I have ever known, my heart just broke. I will say this though, when Dustin said the tests came back positive for trisomy 18 I felt God immediately tug on my heart and say he was there with me. Although I still felt the emotions and the helplessness, I also believe God's presence was real he let me go through my emotions but was there through it all. (2 Corinthians 1:3-6)
The next couple of days after that I questioned and kept questioning God, not feeling any response to any negging question that was torturing my mind. Why? For what possible reason? How could he do this? I also could not comprehend how I was to move on through this pregnancy. How could I find any joy in it? How could I possibly celebrate this life? I already love Max so much, and I don't even know how much time I will get with him or know if I want time with him? How can I stay strong enough to share this pregnancy with anyone?
So far I can't answer all of the questions above, I can't tell you if I ever will be able to answer some of them. I do know God has a plan and I find great comfort and hope in that. I also find through your prayers I have a great deal of peace which passes all understanding!! I also know I am going to find joy in this pregancy because he is my much wanted lil boy and I love him. I awoke this morning with a great deal of peace, I felt God's presence, I felt Bible versus on my heart, and I also felt Max kick. There was a great deal of joy and excitment this morning and I will rejoice in God for that.
I do believe and will continue to pray for a miracle and whether Max is healed completely or spends some time with us after he is born I know he will be a miracle, his life to me is already a miracle. He is always going to be our son and I find hope and comfort knowing that we will one day be with him forever.
Through God's grace I find peace, hope, and great deal of love for my son. And I know that Max's life as short as it may be has great purpose.
So please continue to pray for Dustin, Max, and myself. We thank God for the comfort everyone has shown us.
Trish and Dustin
(Phil 4:6) Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.(Phil 4:7) Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guide your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.