Today is the fifth month since Maxson was born and went to be in heaven, it is also the 5th month of the year, and it is the 5th, hence the title.
I miss Max today... more than other days, I don't think so. My arms and heart feel so heavy when I think about his sweet face. I have been trying to think on the fact that if Max was here today he would be struggling with health problems in some way. I can't tell you this eases the fact he's not in my life but it does give some sort of peace that he is healed and not in pain.
I want my son to know I feel so privileged to have carried his life, to have kissed his face, to have looked into his eyes. Dust and I want to share the love we have for him with little brothers and sisters. We want to find a way to keep spreading the love he has brought into this world. We want his face to be etched into our memory along with the feeling of his skin. We want others, who may have to walk this road,to know that choosing to carry Maxson was a decision we would never take back. Not just because of our morals, the memories and all the moments we had the chance to experience with our son make the choice we made beyond worth it.
If you are reading this and recently had a grim prenatal diagnosis, please know you can contact us with any questions you may have. Know you are not alone and that the feelings of not being able to continue are normal and just part of the emotional journey you are on.
For everyone who has prayed, read, and thought about us I can't thank you enough. God had a bigger picture for Maxson's life than I would have ever imagined, after receiving the news he wouldn't be a child we would keep here I struggled with wanting my son's life to have purpose. You all have fulfilled that desire, I love hearing how Max's life has impacted others. The comments on this blog by people that are touched or changed by Maxson's life greatly encourage us in our sorrow. So, thank you thank you thank you! We love you all!