12.10.2008

Angel

This coming Saturday we will be celebrating Maxson's life at New Hope Church. The service will be at 11am with a lunch to follow. It has been such a heavy thought to go through with this day, one, it signifies another milestone of his passing, two I want it to be perfect, and three while I want to celebrate there is that part of me that deeply mourns the loss of my sweet son...with all that laid out, tonight I received the pictures back from the photographers (Gabriel and Carin Photography) they are just beautiful, more than I imagined them to be. I will add some every post and will share most of them on Saturday at Max's service. Receiving these pictures eased most all of the burden Saturday was feeling to be. Now I feel I am ready to share and celebrate his life with everyone! For cards please send to PO Box 230 Williston, ND 58802. In lieu of flowers please consider donating in Max's name to a organization on our side bar.

I never thought this would hurt so badly. I really thought by knowing his time would be short would ease the pain in it...No, not even a bit. The pain comes on in waves at times my chest aches so deeply, and I long for him so bad I feel ill. I feel peace at times and other times I feel such despair, I know I have to walk through this part and I know there's no designated finish line. I just pray that God continues to carry me. Without the feeling of peace that Max is in a better place plus that fact that we will be reunited, I just don't know how I would continue. As living right now even with that hope can be so painful. So please pray for Dust and me, all your prayers thus far have been felt.

I did not bring Maxson home, I may not ever know why that wasn't God's plan. I do know Maxson was struggling at the end and I told him it was okay to go be with Jesus. It would have been so much harder to bring him home and watch him struggle to breath like he was. Once I whispered that into Max's ear he seemed to let go, I saw it in his eyes. He stared into my eyes and went home in my arms. So, figuratively speaking I did bring him home, Jesus just met me and carried Max the rest of the way. Now my sweet Angel is in heaven with a wonderful Grandma and great-grandparents, plus a wonderful Aunt. I know they are all fighting over him!

Dustin has been my rock, my family has stuck by my side and lifted me up again and again, friend have been there in such special ways, and even people I don't know that well have been so kind, some bringing food. This food thing is just awesome cause it's difficult to cook in this state and I would hate that burden to be on my Mom as she is also grieving. I am going to just post a list sometime of all the wonderful things people have done for me and my family. God bless you and thank you.

I will leave you with some pics of the cutest baby boy ever!!!!

Forever in our hearts, we love you Angel!



32 comments:

Stacy D said...

Trish,

Max is so, so beautiful.

I wish so much I could be there with you on Saturday, but please know that I will be thinking of you that day, and will be praying for the service to be so honoring to both Jesus and to your sweet Max, that you would feel God's presence, and that it would do your and Dustin's hearts good.

You are right... knowing that your baby's life will be cut way too short doesn't make the time afterwards any easier. It seems like knowing ahead of time would; but it doesn't. It helps prepare you for the day of his birth so that you can be prepared and not take any moment for gratned; but the time afterwards is just so incredibly painful and hard.

I will continue to pray for your heart.

~ Stacy

Nicole said...

Praying for you today. I know words cannot express your pain, or the comfort we wish we all could give you. So I'll leave it with, praying for you.

Nicole

Kristin said...

What a beautiful baby...so precious. I am so thankful you were able to spend a little time with him.

I will be praying for you, Dustin and your family on Saturday.

Carla Burlando said...

What gorgeous pictures...what a precious treasure to keep with you. I so wish I could come for Max's service...but will have to celebrate him from far away. You are right about the knowing not neccesarily making it easier. It maybe takes some of the shock and surprise element away...well not away, you just go through that earlier. The grief and loss is still the same. When we lost our son I had never heard of anyone carrying a terminally ill baby so I felt the pressure that I should be able to move on once he was gone, after all I had already had plenty of time to grieve. I think the pressure was mostly from me but I got a lot of ignorant comments after he died that I just didn't know how to process too.
The photos are beautiful. I will be praying for you Saturday as you say goodbye.

Laurie in Ca. said...

Beautiful and perfect baby boy, Max.
My heart is heavy for you today and the days ahead. I am praying for you and Dustin and I know God will be faithful to carry you through. Praying for Saturday to be everything it needs to be and for the Lord to pour out His Love over everyone attending. "Jesus just met me and carried Max the rest of the way", such a beautiful way of speaking your heart. I am praying and praying for you.

Laurie

Anonymous said...

I cannot begin to imagine the pain that you have in your hearts. Praise God that Max is in His arms completely healed!

Praying for you,
Laura W. Rocky Face, GA.

Cynthia said...

Thank you for sharing your pictures of Max with us. He is beautiful. Nothing ever makes death easier. Praying every day for you.

Charity said...

Max is a beautiful little boy.

Praying that you will have peace and strength that can only come through Christ as you move through this week and prepare for Saturday.

Your words continue to be a blessing to my heart and help me cherish my children even more!

Julie said...

Praying for you and Dustin and I will be thinking of you and praying on Saturday. Trust in yourself - you will make Saturday a beautiful day for Max as you have honored him so much already and will continue to do so.

It's so hard to wait for the time to pass and for the pain to ease. Time is a great healer, but it's hard to wait for it to ease. Hang in there - I know the pain right now is so great. I wish I could take it away.

Sending many prayers.....
Julie

Radar's Mom said...

Dear Trish,

Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of Maxson. It seems so unfair that a baby that looks so precious and perfect can be too sick for this world. I know that Max is whole and healthy and happy now, but my heart hurts so badly for you. I will be praying that Maxson's celebration of life service brings you and Dustin peace. I will continue praying for you both.

Warm hugs,
Christena

DeeSmith said...

You don't know me but I'm a friend of Julie's (Magdalena's mom). She wrote of Max on their website and posted the link to your blog.

I am praying for you and your family that God will continue to fill you with His never-ending love and His peace and comfort.

DeeAnn

Cathy said...

Oh yes, what a precious son you have. I will be praying for you and your fmaily as you go through this tough time. I am not here to say that I can even imagine, just on my knees in prayer for your aching arms.

Nichole said...

He is absolutely precious. I love his sweet little face. Thank you SO much for sharing your angel with us.

Praying for Peace & Comfort for you and your family.

-Nichole

Drama Queens said...

I have never posted before, but have been following your story. I am SO sorry you cannot hold your beautiful Max today and everyday. I am a Labor and delivery nurse and have seen too many families go through the same thing, but I am so grateful you are going through it accepting God's healing and the prayers offerred all around you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rebecca Jo said...

Max is gorgeous!!! I love the one in the palm of the hand.... Oh, how God has us in the palm of His hand every day!!

And how you said you carried him Home - Jesus took him from there - how true - what a way to envision it... I hope that bring you peace.

My heart aches for you all - & pray for Saturday to fill you with support & love. People you have never met are lifting your family up in prayer - hang onto that!

petrii said...

Trish,
Max is so completely beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been praying for you and your husband.

Sincerely,
Dawn

Katie said...

The pictures are breathtaking. Your son is so beautiful. Praying for you.

Laura said...

Max is beautiful...what a gift! I am praying for your aching heart and for a sweet day together on Saturday. I so wish I could be there...we will celebrate Max from Colorado.

Know all 3 of you are so loved.

krdakota said...

Budg and I are praying for you all. We are lifting you up before the Lord and asking for his strength during this time.

I didn't know if you had heard the song from Michael W. Smith entitled "Hello, goodbye" but I thought the words related to what you were going through.

Karen Riekeman

AmandaHoyt said...

What a beautiful boy. We are praying for you.

cancersucks said...

Of course you are grieving and so sad. Knowing ahead of time could not have eased the burden of losing your son. I am praying for you and your hubby & family. I pray you have strength and grace to make it through Sat. Take it a day at a time, hour at a time or minute at a time if need be. I had cancer last year- I know it is TOTALLY different, but I did find strength I did not think I would have. I give you mine. Be well.
ps- a great website is www.lotsahelpinghands.com
you can put in the days you need meals or help. That way you don't get 5 lasagnas one day and nothing the next week. Check it out when you are up at night not able to rest.

Anonymous said...

I miss you. Max looks so handsome in his photos! I can't wait to give you the biggest hug in a couple weeks. You know I am praying for you guys, everyday. See you soon. love, mel

angela and mikey said...

Trisha,
He is absolutely beautiful. Again, know that you're in our thoughts during these difficult days.
-Angela and Michael Mathers

Stephanie said...

Max is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful!!!!

I am keeping you and Dustin in my prayers and your entire family.

Lindsley said...

What a beautiful baby boy and family. I don't even know you guys but have somehow happened upon your blog and story through another blog friend, who I also don't know. Reading your story, I am sitting here crying with you. I can't imagine the pain you both must be feeling, and having to recover from a surgery while dealing with all of these emotions. I am thankful that you did get to spend some time with Max, however limited and brief it was. You guys are amazingly strong through all of this. You are in my prayers.

Susan said...

Dustin and Trish~

I've only commented a couple times and have only follwed since Stacy posted about Max on her blog...

Max is beautiful and he is so blessed to have wonderful parents who chose to give him life! Tho it was short, his life made an impact on many.

May God give you peace and understanding in the days and months ahead. Rest in Him and He will carry you, as He did your sweet,sweet Max.

Thank you for sharing...my love and prayers go to you and all those that loved Max.

Susan in indiana

Our Life in Pixels said...

What joy to know that when this life passes we will get to see our children who never faced the pain of loss. Because of Him! Prayers and Thoughts, Sarah

silver68 said...

My prayers go out to you and your family,

Anonymous said...

I have been following your story I am so sorry for your loss. Max could have not been born to two more wonderful people. My you find peace.

The Porreca Family
Ron, Amanda, Madison (9), Landon (4) and Collin (2)

Anonymous said...

he's so perfect... thank you so much for sharing. i came upon your blog a day or 2 before he was born, and i prayed for you all that day. i'm so glad you got that time with your baby! i'll be praying for you guys as i think of you
cara

Anonymous said...

Trish,
I went to high school with you years ago and when I saw Maxson in the paper, I had to come to the website and look. He's so beautiful and precious. Your pain is more than I could probably bear, but rest knowing that there is no better place for a child than in the arms of the Lord. You're in my prayers.

God Bless,
Amy Decker

Emma said...

Hi Dustin and Trish...

I've come across your blog through a friend's blog and she came across it through someone else's.

I don't really know what to say as I couldn't even imagine what you must be going through, but my thoughts and prayers are with you both and your families, especially today.

I pray that Max will be truly honoured in a way that you never imagined. May you feel God's peace and strength as you continue to press into Him as your rock and your Saviour.

You're photos are beautiful!! What a lovely way to remember such a precious gift.

May God bless you heaps.

With love
Emma Feldon (New Zealand)