Well the response is overwhelming, thank you all so much for lifting us up in prayer. I feel so humbled by the love that has been shown for us, without love like this I don't know how this day would be.
Today thus far has been a dream...every kick by sweet Max intensifies the emotions I feel. There has been times I actually feel like my mind is recording the emotions, the feelings, and the details that surround the time I have. Very surreal.
I had to go get my blood drawn today for surgery tomorrow, afterwards, I just drove around and cried slow peaceful, praise filled tears. I turned the music up very loud, felt Max's body pushing against my stomach and just praised the time and gift I have received. It was a beautiful time with just Me, Max, and God. It may seem funny to praise God in a moment that would seem better fit to be pleading on my knees with God, but the release of fear and doubts, and the comfort I felt in doing so can not be explained.
Tonight we will be spending time as a family. My sisters are coming home and some friends are driving in tonight. I am going to try to sleep, I have to be up by 4:30 am. I will be having the c-section at 7 am central time.
I am just so thankful for all of you and thank God every night for you.
I wanted to write a list of prayers we seek to be answered tomorrow but I know God knows what we need, so I will leave you with a list of the blessings we have received thus far.
1. When we found out I was pregnant we were able to move from MN to be by my family, actually we had the opportunity to live with my parents!! My parents house is where we reside currently. The blessing in this I can't even express.
2. I was married at an age that some consider young. But as immature as I was, one thing at 21 that I did understand was that God had given me this man to be my husband! Also, the blessings in this go on and on.
3. I have become friends with so many people that share my love for our Savior...this bond has been even more so present through this journey.
4. I am blessed to be born in a country where I can freely express and live out my faith.
5. A family that raised me with so much love, patience (i require that), and commitment.
6. To be more exact, a Mother who is so selfless, a Dad who is extremely committed to the relationships in his life, which is the best example of a life a Father can give, if you ask me.
7. Three sisters that are all different in the way they love, but all give the same just in different ways. And a sister in heaven who I know waits to be a great auntie to Max.
8. Food I really have enjoyed food. And the blessing to choose what I eat is something I try not to take for granted.
9. Heat. I am in ND and it is so cold. Thank God for heat.
10. Doctors, well I can't say that I am to impressed with how our insurance has handled us but I will say it is a blessing to receive care. Also, that our Doctor knows there is a bigger hand in the picture!!
11. All who have shared this journey via the blog or through other means. Like I stated earlier I just don't know how this journey would be without you.
12. For heaven and the chance to go there!!
13. A God who felt this pain I am feeling by watching his own son die. Through this I am blessed to be separated from Max only by my time on earth.
14. Great girlfriends who have been there through thick and thin. Literally!!
15. Other mom's who have been down this journey that have reached out to me or answered my questions.
16. Dreams. not the bad ones but I have had so many good ones, holding my baby.
17. For a Shepperd who has guided me back to him when I lost my way.
18. Grace for the time needed in molding me, and hope for everything I have faith in.
19. For the blessings to come.........
20. Not lastly of course but for the sake of this list it is, Maxson Linwood Hagen, the love I have had the privilege to feel is beyond what I have ever felt. To be able to keep him so safe right below my heart, to be able to feel his kicks, to be able to have spent 37 weeks today with him and for the time God will give us. I would have never imagined this would be my path but I would not change it because of the pain, for if I hadn't gone down this path I also would not feel and be the mom I am now. Of course, I would love and welcome a complete healing miracle tomorrow and know that it is possible, but one thing I have learned through this more than anything else, is we are not that equipped to or able to understand or know God's plans. And even though it seems so doom and gloom from my eyes at times there is another side that is more beautiful and has more purpose than any plan I could have conjured up.
Yes, please pray, and yes please lift us up, more so though: Yes, thank God for what he has done and what he plans to do with the life of our beautiful baby boy.
I can't wait to hold you in my arms tomorrow, I can't wait to see you face to face. You are surrounded by love from all over. I have loved the privilege of carrying you beneath my heart and am so honored to say that you are my son!!!
Love you so much,