12.04.2008

Time is going by 37 weeks today!

Well the response is overwhelming, thank you all so much for lifting us up in prayer. I feel so humbled by the love that has been shown for us, without love like this I don't know how this day would be.

Today thus far has been a dream...every kick by sweet Max intensifies the emotions I feel. There has been times I actually feel like my mind is recording the emotions, the feelings, and the details that surround the time I have. Very surreal.

I had to go get my blood drawn today for surgery tomorrow, afterwards, I just drove around and cried slow peaceful, praise filled tears. I turned the music up very loud, felt Max's body pushing against my stomach and just praised the time and gift I have received. It was a beautiful time with just Me, Max, and God. It may seem funny to praise God in a moment that would seem better fit to be pleading on my knees with God, but the release of fear and doubts, and the comfort I felt in doing so can not be explained.

Tonight we will be spending time as a family. My sisters are coming home and some friends are driving in tonight. I am going to try to sleep, I have to be up by 4:30 am. I will be having the c-section at 7 am central time.

I am just so thankful for all of you and thank God every night for you.

I wanted to write a list of prayers we seek to be answered tomorrow but I know God knows what we need, so I will leave you with a list of the blessings we have received thus far.

1. When we found out I was pregnant we were able to move from MN to be by my family, actually we had the opportunity to live with my parents!! My parents house is where we reside currently. The blessing in this I can't even express.

2. I was married at an age that some consider young. But as immature as I was, one thing at 21 that I did understand was that God had given me this man to be my husband! Also, the blessings in this go on and on.

3. I have become friends with so many people that share my love for our Savior...this bond has been even more so present through this journey.

4. I am blessed to be born in a country where I can freely express and live out my faith.

5. A family that raised me with so much love, patience (i require that), and commitment.

6. To be more exact, a Mother who is so selfless, a Dad who is extremely committed to the relationships in his life, which is the best example of a life a Father can give, if you ask me.

7. Three sisters that are all different in the way they love, but all give the same just in different ways. And a sister in heaven who I know waits to be a great auntie to Max.

8. Food I really have enjoyed food. And the blessing to choose what I eat is something I try not to take for granted.

9. Heat. I am in ND and it is so cold. Thank God for heat.

10. Doctors, well I can't say that I am to impressed with how our insurance has handled us but I will say it is a blessing to receive care. Also, that our Doctor knows there is a bigger hand in the picture!!

11. All who have shared this journey via the blog or through other means. Like I stated earlier I just don't know how this journey would be without you.

12. For heaven and the chance to go there!!

13. A God who felt this pain I am feeling by watching his own son die. Through this I am blessed to be separated from Max only by my time on earth.

14. Great girlfriends who have been there through thick and thin. Literally!!

15. Other mom's who have been down this journey that have reached out to me or answered my questions.

16. Dreams. not the bad ones but I have had so many good ones, holding my baby.

17. For a Shepperd who has guided me back to him when I lost my way.

18. Grace for the time needed in molding me, and hope for everything I have faith in.

19. For the blessings to come.........

20. Not lastly of course but for the sake of this list it is, Maxson Linwood Hagen, the love I have had the privilege to feel is beyond what I have ever felt. To be able to keep him so safe right below my heart, to be able to feel his kicks, to be able to have spent 37 weeks today with him and for the time God will give us. I would have never imagined this would be my path but I would not change it because of the pain, for if I hadn't gone down this path I also would not feel and be the mom I am now. Of course, I would love and welcome a complete healing miracle tomorrow and know that it is possible, but one thing I have learned through this more than anything else, is we are not that equipped to or able to understand or know God's plans. And even though it seems so doom and gloom from my eyes at times there is another side that is more beautiful and has more purpose than any plan I could have conjured up.

Yes, please pray, and yes please lift us up, more so though: Yes, thank God for what he has done and what he plans to do with the life of our beautiful baby boy.

Love,

Trish

Max,
I can't wait to hold you in my arms tomorrow, I can't wait to see you face to face. You are surrounded by love from all over. I have loved the privilege of carrying you beneath my heart and am so honored to say that you are my son!!!

Love you so much,
Mom

41 comments:

mamma2 said...

Well, I have to tell you that if people thought you were too young at 21 they would be horrified that I got married at 20. I found your blog from A little slice of Heaven. Just know that I will be praying for you and your family tomorrow. May God bless every moment you have tomorrow.

Sabrina

cancersucks said...

Max, you, your husband and your family and friends will be in my thoughts and prayers. Sweet baby Max is so blessed to have you as his loving mom. I hope you have strength and grace tomorrow. Be well.

montanadays said...

Our prayers are with you tonight and tomorrow as you prepare to meet Max. We pray for peace and His Angels to surround your family at this amazing time! I'm really praying for Max to go home with you. My prayers are too numerous to write, but please know that "strangers" will be praying without ceasing.
Can't wait for an update!

Anonymous said...

I have only found your blog today and I just wanted to let you know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
May you all be surrounded by God's grace, peace and strength.
I pray that you are able to take your son home with you.

From
Em
in Australia

Heather said...

I came to your blog from a friends and I have tears in my eyes from this post and your sweet heart for the Savior, even in this horrible situation. Thanks for challenging me in my own walk with Him....to trust Him through the pain and praise Him through the tears. You showed me Jesus tonight, Trish. I am praying for you and your hubby...and for miracle Max.

Verna said...

Praying for you. May God hold you close in his presence.

Mrs. Cup said...

Found your blog today and am praying so hard for you and your sweet family, especially Max.

Nancy said...

Trish,

I just found your blog today and will be praying earnestly for your peace and comfort tomorrow as Max enters this world. I pray that whatever amount of time the Lord allows Max in his earthly home will be filled with precious memories for you all.

Blessings,
Nancy in SC

Robin said...

I am praising God with you!!! What an amazing post...God is so good...all the time! Lifting you up in prayer and so thankful that you know the Savior and the hope that is in Him alone! I'll be praying tonight and especially tomorrow morning!


Isaiah 40:11
"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."


Robin

Midwest Mommy said...

I am praying for you.

Mandie Lane said...

Trish, I found your blog through Stacy's blog, and I am so in awe of your strength and faith in a time of such challenge. You, your husband, and baby Max will be in my every thought and prayer tomorrow.

Much love from another ND girl with two angel babies in heaven.

xoxo

Taylor said...

I am praying for you. I am here to walk this journey with you... I know how you feel and my tears fall along side of you. This was a beautiful post.

JenJen said...

God bless you and your family~ You are really an inspiration. I know you will cherish every moment that you have with your son and you will carry the memories in your heart forever. I hope you and your husband have peace tomorrow during this very trying time.

Laura said...

Praying for you...sweet sleep tonight and peace as you wake in the morning. Praying for sweet memeories tomorrow with Max. You will be surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses" tomorrow. Sending you love.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you, your husband, and baby Max from Texas.

Rebecca Jo said...

You, Max & your husband will all be held in prayer tomorrow. You are amazing to face such an unknown tomorrow & still have things to praise the Lord about. What an amazing woman you are....

you will be in my heart tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

Trish & Dustin, we are so proud of you for your strength and faith as a Christian mom & dad. You all have often been in our thoughts & prayers. We will continue to lift you up! Max is so beautiful & precious. "God saw him before he was born and scheduled each day of his life before he began to breathe. Every day was recorded in His book." Psalm 139:16 It looks like he is signing "I love you" with his little fingers. We are excited to see his first pictures after he is born and his little hand & foot prints. We love you! Blessings, Andrew & Laurie Nelson

Daberath said...

Lifting you and your family up!!! Enjoy your day tomorrow with your precious Miracle Max!

Anonymous said...

Praying................

Stephanie said...

I will be praying for your throughout the night tonight and first thing in the morning. Keeping you in my thoughts!!!! Enjoy your beautiful precious perfect little boy!

Templin Family said...

I just found your blog tonight... but please know that I will be praying for you tomorrow (5 am mountain time to be exact). Max will be beautiful and will most certainly take your breath away, as little boys are known to do.

Adrian, Heather, Caleb, and Emily said...

I am not sure how I found your blog but reading your story has left an impression on my heart. I love how you are praising God and sharing your faith with others through your son. You have someone in Alabama praying for you and your family!

Hannah said...

Trish- I haven't posted before, but I've been following your journey for a while now, and you, your husband, and Max are so on my heart and in my prayers. I have thought about you all so much today and have been praying for God to wrap his Great, Fatherly, Loving Armgs around you all. I am praying, praying, praying for you guys. What a blessing it is to be brothers and sisters in Christ together, because that makes us family, and as family we are all here to embrace and pray for you!

Heavenly Father, I thank You so much for the peace that you have given Trish, and I ask for Your peace and grace to overflow into her and her family tonight and tomorrow. You love Trish, her husband and Max more than anyone could ever love them so we entrust them to You. Lord, You know we want to see Max healed and so we ask for his healing, but above all we want Your perfect will, and so we ask that Your hand be so strongly on tomorrow. In your precious name, Amen.


Hannah in CA :)

So Blessed said...

Praying for all of you as you meet sweet Max tomorrow...that you will have precious time with him...that you will feel the love and support from those of us who will be lifting you to the Lord.

Anonymous said...

I will be lifting you and your family up in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless you with peace, comfort, and the opportunity to spend lots of time with your precious baby boy.
Much love from Texas!

AmandaHoyt said...

We are praying that tomorrow is peaceful, loving and miraculous.
Hugs and many prayers,
Amanda in Texas

Hope Wilson said...

Happy Early Birthday, Miracle Max! You are dearly loved...enjoy meeting your Mommy & Daddy tomorrow!

Kahla said...

Max, you, your husband, and family will be in our prayers tomorrow. May you find peace and be blessed with strength.

~Kelli said...

Will be thinking and praying for you tomorrow!

Courtney said...

Praying so, so hard for you, Dustin, and sweet little Max! May God comfort you and fill your time with Max with joy and peace. God Bless you and your family.

Juli and Matt Stockstill said...

Trish & Dustin, it's Juli - your family in California... Judy just forwarded us the link to your Blog and wish we had been reading it along the way... I have tears streaming down my face my your loving and faithful disposition. My heart is overwhelmed with compassion for you and your little family that will grow by one tomorrow with your Miracle Max. You all will be in our prayers especially tomorrow morning...

Juli (Hemstreet) Stockstill

Jeff & Leza said...

Sweet Max, Your mom and dad love you so much and because of your LARGE presence in this world many people have come closer to God. I pray that you have as much time with your family as God has intended and when you join your miracle babies in Heaven everyone here will know that your body will be healed, your heart and kidneys are perfect and your smile will be the biggest smile ever. Your mom and dad wanted you so bad and someday you will be there to greet them. Cannot wait to see your beautiful pictures tomorrow Max. Soooooo many people around the world are waiting for you.

Trish you and your family are in my deepest prayers as I lay my head down. It's only one hour before you get up to begin your day; the day that you will meet your first born son. I pray that your day is full of wonderful memories and that God's presence is very dominant in that room. I pray that He guides the medical team as they bring your miracle into this world. You have so many people praying for you. God bless you and every precious moment you spend with Max tomorrow.

Tiffany said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers today. May peace and blessings be with you.

Max will forever be in my memories. THank you for sharing him.

Stacy D said...

Trish,

Praying without ceasing today...

~ Stacy

Hope Wilson said...

Praying...

Radar's Mom said...

Trish & Dustin,

There are so many people holding you their hearts and prayers this morning from all the corners of the world. Just add mine to the chorus.

Warm hugs,
Christena

Laurie said...

4:30 am here in California and I will be praying non stop for you as you meet your little Miracle Max. May your hearts overflow with love and joy as you look face to face with this little boy who has captured the love of so many out here as he has stolen your and Dustin's hearts. Praying Gods peace and strength all over you this morning.

Laurie in Ca.

Susan said...

Thanking God for you, for baby Max, for all the blessings He has given you...and me...

I can't imagine going through what you are going through without believing in God and knowing that His hand is at work in all things. How sad that so many do go through a situation like yours alone. Your post of blessings is beautiful and reminds me of all we have to be grateful for.

I am praying for a miracle from God this morning, knowing He is fully capable. Praying for you and your hubby, and all the people who love Max, if He chooses to take Max to be with Him. If He sees fit to take Max home, I pray for peace and comfort, for memories made and treasured.
Thank you for sharing your journey.

Susan in Indiana

Anonymous said...

Praying for you today from Kentucky.

Dorothy said...

You are an amazing woman! Faithful!!!
And you and your Hubby are such a power house! I know the Lord is with you and always will be! My prayers are with you!

Walking by Faith said...

Trish, this is sooo beautifully written. I grew up in ND...fargo to be exact. All of my family still live there. I visit as often as I can. Praying for you. a new reader, Heidi