Thank you Maxson
Today was my plan. To have Maxson today and then to bring him home to spend Christmas with us. I had decided... in my mind sometime after Christmas would be the time Max went to be with Jesus. It was my plan my hope.
Obviously, not so. Not my plan.
I really didn't count fully on everything I had on the plan, but I did put so much of my hope in it. My "hope". My hope has always been on whats going to happen here, in my life. Where we will be in five, ten years. I never truly set my hope on a heavenly home. I never really understood or knew how to not set my hope on this world.
Now I have all my hope on a Savior, on an eternal home after this stop, on more than what this world can give or this stop will bring me. Presently, I don't have a plan...scary, I will admit that seems wrong. But I don't think it is wrong, not that I wont be planning, but my hope will not be set in my plans in my dreams here.
Maxson taught us more about the three most important things (faith, hope, and love) than I could've imagined. When we first found out Max had trisomy 18, dreams crashed and our faith was smashed down and twisted (tested).
Our faith grew beyond what I can express. We learned to lean on God and have faith in his plan not ours. To trust his plan and trust the promises he DID make to all of us. The love we felt and had the privilege to experience was amazing. I have so much love for Max my heart seems to burst with love. Also the love I have for others has grown. Strangers melt my heart and my heart breaks so much easier for those around me. Love has more meaning than I felt before, my faith has a strength I didn't know existed. And now my hope is set on what WILL BE!!!
That's all thanks to this amazing lil boy, who shaped his mom and dad and others for where he would go first!!! I can't tell you enough how much I miss him. Sometimes so much I don't feel I can go on.
I hate that I have to miss him. But I love that I had the experience to know him.
I love you Maxson,