Today was my plan. To have Maxson today and then to bring him home to spend Christmas with us. I had decided... in my mind sometime after Christmas would be the time Max went to be with Jesus. It was my plan my hope.
Obviously, not so. Not my plan.
I really didn't count fully on everything I had on the plan, but I did put so much of my hope in it. My "hope". My hope has always been on whats going to happen here, in my life. Where we will be in five, ten years. I never truly set my hope on a heavenly home. I never really understood or knew how to not set my hope on this world.
Now I have all my hope on a Savior, on an eternal home after this stop, on more than what this world can give or this stop will bring me. Presently, I don't have a plan...scary, I will admit that seems wrong. But I don't think it is wrong, not that I wont be planning, but my hope will not be set in my plans in my dreams here.
Maxson taught us more about the three most important things (faith, hope, and love) than I could've imagined. When we first found out Max had trisomy 18, dreams crashed and our faith was smashed down and twisted (tested).
Our faith grew beyond what I can express. We learned to lean on God and have faith in his plan not ours. To trust his plan and trust the promises he DID make to all of us. The love we felt and had the privilege to experience was amazing. I have so much love for Max my heart seems to burst with love. Also the love I have for others has grown. Strangers melt my heart and my heart breaks so much easier for those around me. Love has more meaning than I felt before, my faith has a strength I didn't know existed. And now my hope is set on what WILL BE!!!
That's all thanks to this amazing lil boy, who shaped his mom and dad and others for where he would go first!!! I can't tell you enough how much I miss him. Sometimes so much I don't feel I can go on.
I hate that I have to miss him. But I love that I had the experience to know him.
I love you Maxson,
Mom
18 comments:
Rest assured, your faith is shining, pouring out of you even. The love that you have expressed and the hope that you are trusting in is undeniable. God be praised through the life of your son! Thank you for continuing to share your journey.
That was beautiful and my heart aches and hopes with you! What an incredible little boy and what an awesome gift God gave you!!
Robin
oh, be assured God has a plan ... He had it for Max - he has it for you both.... in the end, you will understand it all!
Love the picture where you are holding him with the red/white stripes... that is beautiful.
Continuing to pray for your hearts... little Max is such a treasure... I am sure that he and our sweet Isaac are up in heaven enjoying our Savior together.
~ Stacy
Your little boy is beautiful. I am praying for you right now. We just lost our 5th child a son 7 weeks ago, he was still born just one day after his due date. Baby loss is not for the faint at heart. Keep resting in the promises of our Savior and His word. His words are true regardless of how we feel, that is one thing I have to keep reminding myself of each day. You are making it day by day... moment by moment. I am praying for God to continue to give you comfort and peace and for the enemy to be far from you! May you rest in HIM today!
Sara
www.hintzshappenings.blogspot.com
as for God, His ways are prefect...........I am lifting you and your husband up in prayer.
The tribute was beautiful...watching it he looked so perfect and beautiful. He looked like he had everything he needed, and I wish things would have been different. I'm glad that you're trusting in God's plan.
Dear Trish,
You touch me so deeply with both your faith and your humanity. The last line of this post is perfect. "I hate that I have to miss him. But I love that I had the experience to know him." You should have that engraved into a silver frame that holds Maxson's beautiful picture because no mother could have said it better. To hurt so much and to be blessed so deeply all at one time is something that you paint with your words so perfectly.
I continue praying for you as your journey of gratitude and grief continue.
Love,
Christena
I've been visiting your blog before your beautiful babe's birth thinking of you, and praying for you. This is my first comment.
Upon seeing Maxson one of the most striking features I see every time a new photo is posted is his eyes-the depth and how he speaks with them.
His eyes speak and hold volumes forever and ever of what you write, know, experience, feel, love and hold. Faith, Hope, and Love, and I think much more I just can't find the words for.
What a beautiful, incredible, amazing,.... gift from such a beautiful, innocent, tiny baby.
What a miracle!
It gives me joy in all my own personal anguish and pain I didn't have.
Thank you for sharing this journey you are on. Thanks for sharing Maxon's life. Thanks for sharing the joys and the pains. Thanks for giving me joy with my hurts that hurt because it has taken away the fear, and made the pain more bearable.
Thank you.
b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l
Praying for your hearts as you catch your breath. What an amazing blessing little Max was. I am so thankful you have chosen to share him with all of us!
Thinking of you and praying everyday.
This is a beautiful post and I continue to pray for your hearts as you get through this holiday season and beyond. Have a wonderful Christmas with your family.
Laurie
I think of the three of you often. I am one of the many that have been praying for you that you have never met. Your little miracle Max is such a beautiful baby and the light that shines through him is enormous.
Know that you are being prayed for and Maxson is dancing with so many other babies that were just too special for this earth.
I think of the three of you often. I am one of the many that have been praying for you that you have never met. Your little miracle Max is such a beautiful baby and the light that shines through him is enormous.
Know that you are being prayed for and Maxson is dancing with so many other babies that were just too special for this earth.
Merry Christmas Hagen family. Continuing to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I was very touched to read about Max's precious life and about your faith in the LORD.
God is good, all the time. All the time, He is GOOD.
I will be lifting you up in this holiday season and especially as we are celebrating Christmas. He is the most beautiful boy!! I'm sure you have heard of this family by now, but check out http://thespectacularvernacular.blogspot.com
This couple lost their first baby boy Eliot to t18 and their story has been incredible to follow---they recently had another baby and it's just really inspiring, just like this story! God bless you all, thank you for sharing your pain with others and allowing us in....may God hold you in the palm of His hand
Dear Trish and Dustin,
I just wanted to leave a quick comment to let you know that I am thinking of you both on this Christmas Eve, hoping that you are finding some peace through your pain. Although you are not cradling your sweet boy this Christmas, he is whole, healthy and free of suffering and is indeed being cradled in heavenly arms.
Holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
Christena
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