Max's Celebration Service

Maxson Linwood Hagen, what a dignified, strong, and purposed name. I may be biased cause I named him, but his name to me means a lot. I always wanted a Max I dreamed of my son Max for years, Linwood is my fathers middle name coming from his grandfather's name. To see his name on all the cards and other mementos from his celebration just meant so much. I loved opening cards with his name spread across the envelope, I am going to miss seeing other people's writing of his name.

His service was beautiful. When I woke up yesterday I was feeling so hurt and sad. I thought the funeral was going to be so difficult, it was going to finalize his passing and that hurt. I planned and wanted it to be a celebration but yesterday morning it didn't feel that it would be for me.

It wasn't though, it was so perfect.

Waking up to an extreme blizzard had me asking God, why? Why God? Are you kidding, I wanted people to be able to come and for them to see God's beauty through Max's beauty. And the storm seemed like a big damper for anyone to turn out. Plus, with 30 below weather the burial was going to be cut short and that saddened me. Anyway, I was once again touched by God's divine plan, not mine. People made it, maybe not as many that would have, but I know there was some that were there because of the weather. Sports were canceled and peoples travel plans were canceled, so there were some people there that would not have attended had the blizzard not been here.

The burial was short but the people that came to stand with us in 30 below weather touched me. I didn't expect anyone besides my immediate family to come because of the bitter cold. But so many came, I felt bad for them as I thought I was going to freeze to death. But it was so touching they did.

I will post a video of his service later this week or link to you tube with it.

I felt so much peace and now I understand the closure that a funeral brings, that a person needs. Not that I have closed this chapter, that may never happen, but I felt a letting go, an ability to say goodbye Max, for awhile. Granted late last night all the pain started coming up again. But all day yesterday I felt so peaceful and I even felt happiness for the first time since Max's birth. Thank you all, because of you, I have been lifted up again and again. God's peace keeps finding me and Jesus is carrying me through...I feel it!! I felt Jesus at Max's celebration and I believe Max was there watching.

Tomorrow, I will also post some pics of Max's celebration service. I do want to leave you with a letter that my husband read at Max's celebration service from the both of us.

Dear Maxson,

You were with us here for about 37 weeks and 1 day, in that short time you made more impact on this world than many make in a lifetime. Not only did your sweet time here on earth touch people around the world, it also changed your mom and I forever. We had a long talk the other night and realized how we will never be the same again. Not just because we will always long for you in our arms and desire heaven more now than ever; but because you taught us more about faith, hope, and love than either of us could have ever known without you.

I can’t believe how strong you are Max, I felt you kick in your mom’s tummy so many times, and then when you entered this world… you fought so hard. You have the heart of a champion son, and your mom’s strong will.

Because of exactly who you are, it humbles me to know I’m your Dad. What an honor Max, we are so proud.

Although we have felt the loss of a lifetime we would not trade the time we had with you for anything. I am confident that we will hold you again, it’s just the time that we have left here, that separates us from you. We look forward to that day Max.

We love you,
Mom and Dad


Brianna said...

That letter was beautiful. My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. Max is a beautiful little boy.

Radar's Mom said...

Dear Trish,

Thank you so much for sharing Dustin's beautiful letter. I am so glad that the service to honor Maxson's precious life was so perfect and that even a blizzard could not keep people away from sharing in the celebration of everything Max has brought to so many hearts!

I am only days away from welcoming my second son into this world... my first is in heaven with Max and so many other tiny angels. I couldn't be in North Dakota yesterday, but I sat on a windy beach looking out over the ocean thinking about how the story of Maxson's life has crossed plains, mountains and oceans to touch so many hearts. Dustin was so right that your little boy has had an impact that many never acheive in a long lifetime.

Keeping your beautiful family in my heart and prayers.


petrii said...

What a beautiful letter ~~ it just feels like it captured the heart of Maxson that we see in the pictures. Beautiful!!

Thank you for sharing this journey.
I'll continue to pray for you,

Valerie said...

Your son is beautiful. I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Jess said...

Dustin is right--it is only time on Earth that separates us from our babies. And that time will seem like the blink of eye when compared to our time in heaven.

Tashia said...

BEAUTIFUL, PRECIOUS AND PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!! I can't begin to imagine the longing and pain you feel. I feel you are so brave for giving him life and giving him those almost three hours. I hope God will comfort you during this time as well as family and friends. He was and is so handsome. I loved his beautiful eyes and how they gazed at you in your previous post. It is like he longed to meet you and you did him.

Kasey Noel Rose said...

I don't know you personally but you both and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.

Verna said...

Tho some of us only know you from your blog our hearts still ache with yours.
Sometimes we can't understand God's Timing and the Why's in life, but in times like these it makes our faith in God stronger.
You and your family are in our prayers.

::kacy:: said...

that letter was so beautiful!

Sharleen said...

Gorgeous pictures of Max and a beautiful letter. I continue to hold your family up in prayer.
Peace & Blessings!

Kristina Petrella said...

What a beautiful letter. We continue to pray.

Laurie in Ca. said...

I am so glad to read that the service was perfect for you. God sure had it all planned out for you. The letter to Maxson is beautiful, straight from the heart of a loving father. You both are in my prayers as you walk this journey through the holiday season and beyond. May you feel Gods love surround you both as you miss this precious little boy. My heart hurts for you.


Kathleen said...

Continuing to pray for you.

I'm glad the service was comforting to you.

Love and prayers

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful baby he is. My heart breaks for you and all the others that are going through this. I am praying every day for you.

Lauren said...

I don't know you, but Max is so beautiful! I've been following your blog, and it brings me to tears everytime. You are a beautiful mother.


Amy Akervik said...

Dustin & Trish, Just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you both. Maxson is a very beautiful baby boy! I wish both of you the best in the days to come. Take Care. Amy

Shannon said...

Max is so handsome! I'm so sorry you'll have to hold him in your heart instead of your arms (where I'm sure you ache for him).

Laura said...

So beautiful....I am so proud of you. A blizzard...leaving people with even more of a memeory of Max. Praying for you...sending love!

Rebecca Jo said...

So glad you were surrounded by people who cared - blizzard or no blizzard.... Hope you found a new peace having the Service.

Love the pictures. You & your husband look so strong & beautiful with your gorgeous son with you.

Anonymous said...

You have such a beautiful boy! Your strength amazes me... and your unwavering faith is amazing! I almost lost my first son when I developed complications at 36 weeks, but by the grace of God he is with us today. I don't know you personally, but graduated with Chris and worked with Shelly. I cannot begin to imagine the incredible pain and loss you are going through, but know that God is holding you in his arms, as he is Maxson in Heaven. Treasure those few amazing hours you had with him, and know the world is a better place because he was in it. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your amazing family!

Open your Eyes. said...

I'm crying and I really am lost for words x.